blogs :: Ex Veritate Vita :: October 28, 2009

Desperate Houswives Not so Desperate

by Jasmine Wilson

Anyone who has read one or more of my peices knows that I watch a lot of TV. In high school I read soo much I just assumed I would always be that way, and although I love buying books, my ability to finish them quickly has diminished, mostly because I do so much reading, and so quickly, for my academic degree that any other reading just fills me with weariness so quickly.

TV, on the other hand, is a relatively short time in which I can experience a story visually, and I love it. I often hope there is something worthwhile in the shows I watch. It isn't always the case, but last night while watching Desperate Housewives, I was reminded why I watch shows like that.

My favorite couple, Tom and Lynette Scavo, have gone through a lot of rough times, and yet their relationship is quite clearly one of the most problem-free ones out of the women on the show. Of course they have had their problems, and it's not like they don't fight, but they know each other really well and love each other at the same time. True love has a component of knowledge to it that I think a lot of other couples miss out on, instead just focusing on  the happiness that the other person brings them.

The particular scene that caught my attention in the most recent episode was in response to a handyman the couple had hired. The man was quite a bit older, and whenever Lynette, who is a very forceful, authoritarian woman, would tell him to do something, he would always check with Tom to see if it was okay. When confronted about it, he said that he felt Tom, as the man, needed to be respected. When Lynette tells Tom her frustration, he finds the opportunity to seek out the handyman, who is also their neighbor. They sit down together with a couple of beers, and Tom says this:

"Here's the thing you gotta understand about Lynette. She grew up without her dad; her mom was a drinker, so she had to be responsible for everyone. It left her with this constant fear that everything would suddenly fall apart. And that's why she needs to control everything. 'Course she can't; nobody can. But-- she can control me. If I let her. So I do. Because it makes her feel safe. And that is my job as her husband- to make her feel safe."

What I love about this scene is that it is two men just having this vulnerably honest conversation. If Lynette knew that Tom had explained all of that to her neighbor, she probably would have been furious. But the utter love that shines from his eyes as he talks about his wife, and his crystal clear knowledge about what is best for her, and what he is willing to sacrifice... it is beautiful. He has no resentment, no judgment about how she treats him, and the treatment is not abusive in any way. In other episodes when she has been too controlling by ordering him to be someone who he is not, he stands up for who he is. But when it is something as simple as where a birdhouse goes, or ordering him to cook hamburgers instead of chicken, those are little things that he does not let him get defensive. He knows she loves him and respects him. He knows her, and that knowledge allows them to have a beautiful, loving relationship.
Any woman who's husband treats her with this amount of knowledge and love is definitely not desperate.